


Mistakes of the Past

by Burgie



Series: Letters from a Raven [1]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 09:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14850636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Raven writes a letter to her younger self, prompted by Tai.





	Mistakes of the Past

To my past self,

You are such an idiot. Such a foolish, selfish, thick-headed idiot, blinded by the future, blinded by promises of power and your own damn hubris. You’re young, you have the world in front of you, you’ve just accepted the weight of the world onto your shoulders and you think that you can handle it. You think that you can more than handle it, you think that you can save the world. You think that if you do this, if you fulfil your dreams, that you’ll be happy. But you won’t. You won’t.

Don’t worry, I remember what it’s like. That feeling you got when Ozpin told you that you have a great destiny ahead of you. You were so young and foolish. So full of hope, and dreams, and desires. You had your eye on Tai even then, and you got him easily. All it took was a little confidence, a little telling him that you could fulfil his wildest dreams, make him happier than anything else. You knew that Summer liked him too, knew that his feelings for Summer were ones of fondness. And you struck.

I still remember the look on Summer’s face when she first caught the two of you together. She was so sad. At the time, you thought that it was funny. Poetic, even. You taunted her. You said to her that if she really wanted Tai, she’d fight you for him. But she didn’t. She just said that she hoped you two would be happy together. That you’d make him happy.

And, for a while, you did. Tai was so happy with you, always smiling and laughing and talking about the future. You two made quite the team. He was even there when you took down your first Grimm, the one that you made your mask out of. Summer heard your celebrations that night. After you strode back into camp, big and bold, already wearing the mask even as it dripped ichor onto your skin, over your clothing. After Tai told every other Huntsman and Huntress there about the fight, about how you’d severed the beast’s head from its neck and triumphantly held up the mask. You did that again as he told the story, acting out what you’d done. Summer had flinched away, her eyes seeking out your brother. You encouraged that too, I remember. I actually remember those words.

“Sorry I stole your man, Summer Rose, but hey, my brother is single and interested in women. Maybe the two of you can lament your bad luck together.” You’d smirked as you said it, and your brother had rolled his eyes and chastised you for using him like that. You hadn’t cared. He may have been the first one you linked to with your semblance, but you never really cared about your brother. If you had, you wouldn’t have taunted him about his semblance so much. Bad luck isn’t something to laugh about. Not when. Not when it can get people killed.

_A tear fell on the paper. Raven brushed it away, smearing ink. Not that anyone would read this anyway. Maybe Tai would, it had been his idea, after all. “Don’t complain to me,” he’d said, shoving her into this room. “Complain to yourself.”_

I remember the day that you and the rest of team STRQ went to the fair. It always came around, but Summer and Qrow had just started dating, so you’d decided to all go this year. There had been a fortune teller. Some fortune tellers were fakes, people pretending that their semblance was the ability to see the future, but this one was real. She was famous the realm over, Kora the Insightful. You’d all gone into the tent, to see visions of the future and learn if Ozpin was right about your destinies. Heh. Of course he was right. Especially knowing what I know now. There was no way that Ozpin could be wrong, who would know the Maidens better than the one who had created them?

“Ah, a young couple,” Kora had said. She’d certainly looked the part, long grey hair tumbling down over clothing that was too loose to be practical. She’d had a glass ball set on table in front of her, though Tai said that it was real crystal. Maybe it was. He was always the smart one of the group. Smart except when it came to you. Had he any sense, he never would have dated you. He certainly wouldn’t have decided to have a child with you.

“What do you see?” Tai had asked, leaning forward. Kora had looked at the two of you and then gazed into her crystal ball, waving her hands over the surface and squinting at images that only she could see. She’d frowned in sadness and looked back up at the two of you.

“I see great sadness,” she’d said. “The two of you will be happy for now, that is true. But it will end in tragedy.” And then she’d looked at you, straight at you, and I still remember how scared you were. How scared I was. She’d seemed to see straight through me, though her eyes kept straying to my eyes. Your stomach. This is confusing, I need to decide how I refer to myself. You. I. We. Oh, screw it, it’s me I’m talking to.

“What does that mean?” I’d asked, already angry at how cagey she was being. I’d reached for my weapon, but Tai had stilled my hand.

“Let her finish,” he’d said, that softness in his blue eyes calming my anger. He was always good at that. He still is, even if it’s not softness that he looks at me with now. Not anymore, not after what I’ve done. I don’t deserve it, I know I don’t. I don’t deserve kindness from anyone, nor do I get it. I get respect, anger, sadness. But only kindness from one.

_Her hand stilled. She couldn’t write about her. Not yet, not when it was so fresh. Only one line._

You lost the love of your life, you selfish bitch, and you deserved it.

_Raven’s fingernails dug into her palms as she shook violently, biting her lip. She looked at the window. Of course it was shut, and Tai would know if she opened it. Know, and be disappointed. She had to do this, and then he might listen to her. Might help her._

“I see a great destiny in your future, Raven Branwen,” Kora had said. “But it will come at a great cost. Though your brother is the one with a semblance for bad luck, ill fortune will follow you too.”

“But that’s not my semblance,” you’d said, frowning. “Does this mean that I should leave my team? Will that help?”

“No,” Kora had said, shaking her head sadly. “There is nothing that can stop your destiny from unfolding. But it has to happen.”

You didn’t believe her. Of course you didn’t believe her, not because you were an optimist, but because you were just so determined to have this great future that Ozpin had foreseen for you.

_Darn, she was changing things again. Oh well. Nobody would read this anyway._

You went away from that tent laughing, not believing anything that Kora had said. But Tai had. And he knew your destiny, because you’d boasted about it. Of course you had.

“Wait,” he’d said, taking your hand. “What if we take a break from hunting Grimm for a while? Settle down, just relax?”

“That’s no life,” you’d said with a laugh. “What’s the point of being a Huntress if you don’t hunt? You can go and settle down if you want, but I don’t want to.”

“You can still contribute to the fight if you step out of it for a while,” Tai had said, stepping forward and taking your other hand too. “Create children who will grow to become great Huntsman and Huntresses.”

There is more to life than Hunting, that’s true. But there’s also more to having children than just sex, you horny teenager.

It happened so fast that I’m still convinced that you were pregnant already. Probably even that day in the fortune teller’s tent. And you and Tai were happy, so happy. You talked about what you’d name your child, wondered what semblance they’d have, what they’d look like, how you’d train them, which school they would attend. As it turned out, you had no say in any of that.

Tai should never have left you alone. Not that it would have helped, he couldn’t have stopped you from leaving the house or doing what you wanted. Not back when you were so young and headstrong. You’re still headstrong now, but… I don’t know. Maybe I’m growing soft in my old age. Maybe I finally know what it is to lose someone now. Someone who I love with all my heart. Someone who I’d give anything to have back.

_With a great effort, Raven shook her head and wrenched her train of thought back into the past. She couldn’t think about that, even though it had been on her mind for hours now since it had happened._

Ozpin visited you shortly before your daughter was born. He told you that they’d found the Spring Maiden and were protecting her. You asked if you could go and visit her, to ask her questions. But inside, you were furious. Being the Spring Maiden was your destiny, not someone else’s. Not some girl’s. She wouldn’t be strong enough, couldn’t be strong enough, nobody was stronger or more determined than you.

Ozpin took you straight to her, the fool. Or maybe he’d planned what happened next. Maybe he saw how weak she was too. But he dismissed the guards. He took you into the room where she sat, beautiful and blonde and blue-eyed. The ideal look for the Spring Maiden. She looked up at you, all hope and good cheer. She looked so scared when you drew your weapon and sliced it across her neck. You saw the eyes only once before the power went to you. It felt colder than you’d expected, and you worried that it would be bad for the baby. The only time you haven’t been selfish. You looked at Ozpin, frightened, and he nodded. Like he’d planned this all along.

Those next few months were the most scared you’d ever been in your life, but you tried so hard not to show it. Ozpin gave you a mask to wear home, and you began wearing your Grimm skull mask at all times. But you were so frightened. You masked it as just normal anxiety surrounding your pregnancy, of course.

And then Yang was born, and you took one look at your perfect blonde little daughter and you cried. I always thought that was funny, that your daughter made you cry instead of the other way around. Tai, ever the optimist, thought that you were crying out of joy.

He never expected it when you left. And how could he? It was unannounced. You spent a last few hours with your daughter, and then you left the house with nothing but a small pack of supplies, your weapon, and your mask. You turned into your bird form, not the first or the last time you’d do that to escape a situation you’d rather avoid, and you flew until your body could no longer hold that form. You collapsed in a clearing, or rather, you crashed into a clearing. You cried again. You used to do that a lot. Well, you still do, but a mask hides it better.

Eventually, you found your old tribe, the one that you and your brother had been born into. It was easy to become their leader, especially when your reputation preceded you. You fought any Grimm that crossed your path, using mostly your weapon and semblance with only a touch of your new Spring Maiden powers. You really were the right person for that destiny.

You missed your daughter, your lover, your brother, your team. You wondered how they felt about you leaving. If they were looking for you. You wondered if it might have been better to fake your death.

You saw her only twice, your daughter. She must have caught wind of where your old camp was, the one that you’d foolishly built a house at. The one that was destroyed by those who wished to destroy the Spring Maiden and steal her powers. Those fools. But you were sentimental. You followed your daughter, then a child with hair as thick as your own and as blonde as Tai’s. You were so proud of your brave, strong daughter. Even if she had inherited some of your hubris in going out alone. You saw another baby there, and your heart and wings faltered. Tai had moved on. Or perhaps Summer and Qrow had also decided to contribute to the future. I still don’t know who Ruby’s father is, but I have no right to know. I don’t deserve to be a part of their life, not after I ran away. And yet, you couldn’t help yourself from coming to your daughter’s aid. Only once. You’d promised yourself that you wouldn’t step into the fight against Salem, that your flesh and blood was strong enough to defend herself. But, well. You are a sentimental fool. She deserved to be saved, though, after how hard she’d fought over the years. I’m so proud of her, even if I do see far too much of myself in her.

Your hubris cost you everything. Yes, you can handle being the Spring Maiden. But the cost is dear. Almost too dear.

Oh, Vernal

_The pen fell from her hand as Raven hunched forward, gasping at the pain that seared through her heart. It was too much. The memory of Vernal, of losing her, the pain all came rushing back. Dimly, Raven heard the door open as she sobbed into her hands, the tears dripping through her fingers and onto the paper to smear the ink. She felt a hand brush the top of her head once before it pulled away._

_“Now you know how it feels,” said Tai. That hurt most of all. What had Raven done to Tai, her first love, the father of her child? He didn’t deserve any of this._

_“I’m sorry,” said Raven, looking up at him, tears still on her cheeks. He turned away from her._


End file.
